36 Week Update

Here we are, 36 weeks and in the home stretch! From here on out, baby can be born safely at home and should be fine. It's crazy, for so much of the pregnancy I've been obsessed with the baby coming early, and now that I'm at this point, I'm comfortable with the idea of having more time until the baby comes. In fact, I feel very comfortable with the idea of baby taking a long time to get here. Like, a week or two late actually sounds so good to me! Of course, I'd have to stay in my house and never leave since there would be absolutely nothing that would fit me by then...speaking of size, I'm so big. I know I said that last time, and have probably every post, but I think if I get any bigger my belly could develop it's own climate. It will have it's own weather system you guys.

How far along: 36 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 52 lbs

Stretch marks: Same as last time.

Sleep: My hips!! The moment I open my eyes in the morning I have to get out of bed due to my hips aching so bad. No lounging, no keep-that-awesome-dream-going-for-five-more-minutes shut-eye. My body is DONE and I have to be out of bed. Oh, and sleep during the night is still pretty good. I know, I'm lucky!

Best moment this week: On Saturday my sis-in-law Amy and I finally went out to get pedicures for her birthday that was last month. While we were there we of course got questions about how far along I was, what the gender of the baby was etc. When I told them I didn't know yet, the lady giving Amy her pedicure took a look at me for like two seconds and then said with an absolute-authority tone of voice, "It's a boy."
So what did we do after the pedicures? We may have let this happen....

Miss anything? Being...not ginormous.

Movement: Shifts, rolls, hiccups. I love feeling every bit of it.

Food cravings: HAMBURGERS. Specifically the ones from Burger King with no onions. Which Todd thinks is funny because for as long as he's known me, I've detested Burger King.

Aversions: Nothing, really.

Gender: I've been thinking it's a boy this whole time but recently I've been second-guessing everything I once had an opinion on, it feels like. So...I have no idea! I'll be happy with either, though.

Labor signs: Saturday night Todd and I went to Wal-Mart to get some groceries and supplies for the birth. As soon as we stepped through the doors, I started having intense Braxton Hicks and even cramping. Todd would ask me a question and I would try to concentrate, but getting through the contractions was all I could think about! I was useless! The contractions calmed down a lot though after we got home and I could put my feet up.

I've been drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea for almost a month now, at least one cup a day and about a week ago I've made sure to drink four cups a day. I've heard both on the internet and from friends that it can strengthen uterine muscles and prepare you for birth. It can make labor pains less and shorten the time you're in labor. I figure ANYTHING to help with that, I'm going to try it! Also, I have noticed that the more I drink the tea, the more Braxton Hicks I get, so something is working.

Symptoms: I'm congested ALL the time. It's horrible! This will be a bit TMI but I feel as soon as I get cleared out, not an hour will go by and I have to find a tissue so I can breathe again. I have a box of Kleenex in three different rooms in my house and I've gone through so many. Please let this be a pregnancy thing so I don't have to deal with it after the baby is born!

Also, I think nesting has just hit, like, today. I've been going and going all day (although what I've gotten done is not super obvious). I've got SO much more energy than I've had in so long and I feel like I have to get everything ready for baby. Everything. Which means, not having a car to myself is driving me nuts since I can't just go see something I found on KSL immediately, unless I drive Todd to work.

Wedding ring on or off? Off, so off, and will probably be off for months after the birth, if it's anything like last time.

Happy or moody: Both.

Looking forward to: My husband's aunt offered to give me a massage on Wednesday to try out her new massage table that accommodates pregnant women. I'm so looking forward to that, especially with the freezer meals all done. I'm also looking forward to my midwife appointment this week which will be at my house!

34 weeks and feelin' it

I'm going to talk about something I don't think I've really talked about on my blog. I didn't even realize it was a thing, really. I think I've been in denial over this emotional discomfort I've had, kind of an obsession with not being pregnant anymore. I try not to but I look up birth stories of preemies according to how far along I am. At my midwife appointments I ask questions about if I'm too big or if something is wrong with me.

The past month it's gotten a lot worse. I look huge. I feel huge. And a few hours after I took this picture on Monday, I had a panic attack. I had kind of set myself up for it, I guess. I compared this 34 picture with the 37 week picture of me with Aurella, and to me I looked the same. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking about how tired I get every day, how throughout the day I need to take a break from doing things like standing. How going up and down the stairs leaves me winded for a few seconds, and how I can't hold my baby girl on my lap for too long without some limb falling asleep. I couldn't stand the thought of being pregnant for six more weeks, or two more weeks, or two more days. Anyway...long story short, I panicked, went to see my midwife the next day and everything she checked was perfect and right on schedule. I'm even measuring on track. So we talked. We talked about how I've had anxiety pretty consistently throughout the pregnancy and how it's probably related to the trauma of Aurella's birth. I hadn't met my current midwife until right after I knew I was pregnant again, but she had heard of me. She had heard of my labor and how awful and hard it was. (Read about it here) She said it was ok to accept that it was hard and that it was affecting my current pregnancy. And you know what? I hadn't even thought of it. It hadn't even occurred to me that the obsession of having this baby early I have been having may have had to do with my fear of being pregnant, fear of going through labor again. It made sense that it was just my way of wanting everything to be over with and finally being able to hold this baby in my arms.

I feel better. Not totally, I still wouldn't mind at all going into early labor in two or three weeks, but it's comforting that there's not actually anything physically wrong with me. I can remind myself that I still haven't quite gotten over the labor with Aurella, and that's why I feel wrong and huge and scared. It makes my fear seem smaller, possible to handle, and like I really could go full term, or even past. Hopefully I can get to a place where I can actually enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy.

How far along: 34 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: 49 lbs

Stretch marks: New marks mingling with the old...so yeah. Definitely stretch marks.

Sleep: Continues to be really great, as long as I get to bed early enough. I've had moments of insomnia but over all it's not bad.

Best moment this week: TODD. Person, not moment. He has picked up so much slack lately, with me getting bigger and more tired, he seems to just take it in stride. I love him.

Miss Anything? Oh, you know. Moving about like a regular human being. Having the energy and physical ability to hold my child however long I want to. Little things like that...

Movement: Has slowed down a lot but there is still a lot of shifting. I love it.

Food cravings: I think I have finally gotten to a point where I'm not really craving anything. I'm even going on a sugar fast to try and feel better about myself and hopefully give me less reasons to be freaked out by this pregnancy.

Aversions: Nothing.

Gender: Still don't know.

Labor signs: Still just having Braxton Hicks all the time. I've been drinking at least one cup of raspberry leaf tea a day and I feel like my body is responding to that!

Symptoms: Still tired. Not quite as unmotivated as I have been. Unfortunately though, it has been replaced by panicky. Hopefully that will continue to subside.

Wedding ring on or off? It's been off for a while now!

Happy or moody: Probably more moody than happy.

Looking forward to: Getting all the birthing supplies and finding my gender neutral newborn sized clothing.

Our toddler is two!

Aurella has turned two years old! She is growing up so fast and is changing so quickly. Her ability to pronounce words is getting better and better and she loves to use words she knows in order to communicate with us. She likes to count and will count different things on any given book we're reading. She also knows the alphabet, somehow! I wasn't teaching her but we got a alphabet magnet set so she could play with it on the fridge and she just became obsessed with those letters, naming them and taking them everywhere she went (we only have like, four letters left). Aurella is constantly moving except for when she's watching a show she likes or when she's sleeping! We got her a wiggle bike for her birthday since she was always stealing the neighbor boys' bikes and making them mad. Now she rides with them around our cul-de-sac and they all have an even better time than before.

Aurella has such a loving heart and loves being with family. I accidentally taught her to say "love me" when she wants me to listen to her. I'll be sitting with her on my lap, listening to something Todd is saying and she'll put her hands on my cheeks and turn my head towards her while saying "love me!". And then proceed to babble while having a very serious look on her face. She has stories she wants to tell, too! Whenever she's eating anything she always wants to share her food. Even when she's eating her favorite thing in the world, fruit snacks, She'll usually give one to me or her dad and insist we "bite".



Aurella loves to sing. She has started to make up her own songs and sing them at the top of her lungs especially when he's in the car. She also loves babies. When we're in the store, if we pass by one she'll always gasp, eyes wide and say "baby!" with reverence. We got to meet Aurella's cousin Caleb who was born almost a week ago. Aurella was so excited to see him and wanted to make sure he had his pacifier. She'll be a big help when her baby will arrive in June!